Wanting that which isn't good for us

There is a stigma in today's society which says 'Want this! Buy me! You need this to be happy!' and it's complete bullshit. I have this stigma moreso than I care to admit. And I've paid the price for it, emotionally and financially. 

And the lure for me is, the more expensive said item is, the more I feel I need to have it. The only problem with this is, I want more than I can happily afford. I will admit I give myself little treats every now and again, but that just feeds the beast and I go into a rather horrid downward spinning spiral of spending and spending and really not getting anything out of it other than more shit to deal with. And not being able to pay my bills.

I recognize this weakness in me. It's something I truly am working on. But not spending/buying shit comes with its own price.

I now want what others have. Not material possessions, but personality traits, characteristics, relationships, emotional states of being, and the like. I have pushed myself so far away from my normality at times that I've scared myself. I don't know who that person is, I know that I've had the potential to be that person, but I know that she's not someone who I want to be. We all have little demons inside us, I'm just having a really hard time keeping them at bay right now.

I see something that looks appealing and stop at nothing to get my way. That is wrong. I know that person x or item y is probably a bad decision on my part, but I can't help but covet. It's my biggest sin at the moment I guess. 

So I'm working on being a better person. There are other things about me that I have need to work on, but this is the biggest, glaringly vile thing about me at the moment and I don't quite know how to cope. Yet tomorrow is another day and my mantra is 'day by day, let it be'.

A Mad Conspiracy

It is of my humble opinion that there is a conspiracy going on in the world today. Something that has been happening for far too long, probably even longer than that. The powers that be in this world, be it money or some supernatural force or the media, have this underlying agenda of making sure that every woman in the world is charged an arm and a leg for simply being a woman. Have you seen the price of bra's these days? What about make-up? Pads? Tampons? It's getting rediculous. Something must be done about it. 

The pressures of womanhood are enough without draining my bank account. We're expected to look a certain way, presentable, but when presentable means shelling out over a hundred dollars a month on hair and make-up and everything else in between, that's too much! And by the way, a hundred dollars is if you shop the bargain bin and don't ever cut your hair. 

Ok, yes, I want to look good. I don't want my eye-bags to be on display everywhere, but come on! $14 for mascara? $42 for a basic bra? I find it very hard to believe that a bra costs more than $3 to make. Not to mention, a man can go to a store and drop 10 bucks on three or five shirts, where as a woman would end up spending about $100 for three to five shirts. I just don't get th elogic.

It's almost as if people were trying to make every girl in the world high maintenence. And I can tell you, we really don't need any more of them running around.

Been a while

It's been awhile since my last post, so obviously my 'post-a-day' plan failed miserably. But I'm getting the urge to blog again, or just writing in general...It maybe my new wireless keyboard, or maybe I'm just feeling disconnected from my internet too much. Like being a silent observer and not at all involved in the whole process or creation...

It's a weird feeling, let me tell you, when you spend as much time on the internet as I do, to realize that everyone else is utilizing it to a much greater potential than I am. I want to put my stake in the world wide web. I'm just not sure where my voice is yet.

The Work Day, Issue 3

So I'm trying anew approach to the work day blog. I'll just blog what happens as it does! This morning at the Coffee Shop was really busy. It's been so nice to see things pick up around here. I was doing something from the moment I walked in until about 10AM. Which is really good for this store. I'm exhauseted though, last night I stayed up a bit too late, didn't get that much homework done and will pay for it today. I absolutely have to get yesterday's homework done today so that I can spend Saturday and Sunday either reviewing that which I have problems with or getting ahead a bit. It would help so much if I can manage to get slightly ahead. 

I'm really torn about my work situation right now. I hate it but I love it. The idea of waking at 6 am sucks, but once I get here, I'm fine. I really feel that having to be somewhere at a certain time is what makes me dread working. If I could work on my own schedule it would much better, yet knowing every friday that I have to be here is draining. 

The afternoon was pretty good, long, but uneventful. I'll be getting a couple more hours a week by taking my cousin to a movie every Tuesday. Hopefully my paycheck will be nice and juicier now. Maybe I'll be able to save a bit of money or just cover my bills without have to ask my parents for help. I hate that feeling. You'd think that I'd be able to stand on my own two feet by now. But my education has always come first and that has left little to now time for a job, even part time. Now, when I work part time and do school part time, I can't even keep my head afloat.

Let's see how well this goes. With school work getting the best of me, hopefully tuesday afternoon movies will be a good stress reliever.

Not good

Well, I missed another day. That's two times now in two weeks. That's not a good sign. Yesterday I did start my new math class, so it makes sense that I may have missed it. It's no excuse though. My days are going to be consumed by math for the next five weeks, I'm guesstimating around six hours a day, including in-class time. I don't have anything brilliant to surmise about today, nor anything from yesterday.

I feel like I'm failing at this whole blogging thing. I feel like I should have something funny or brilliant to write about, the only really useful thing that I've done is that post on 'How to Date Yourself'. I want to continue that sometime, but I'm not sure how to quite yet. So what I think I'm going to do to create a list of everything that interests me and try to create some intriguing blog posts about them.

I think it will help get me on the right track with this whole blogging thing and make my brain take a break from all these math things running through my head. I hope that it will help ease the tediousness of my life in the next five weeks.

Let's see, I like rain, theatre, fruity pebbles, and that's all I have right now. Great. This is going to be tougher than I want it to be.

Last day of Freedom

So, tonight is the end of my summer vacation. I'm starting my math 122 class tomorrow at 10am. I'm nervous, scared, annoyed and excited. I managed straight a's last semester, so I'm hoping to at least pull a B for this class. My GPA didn't improve with a whole semester worth of A's though..I'm still at a 3.3. But that's better than some, I suppose. And what have I done today? Absolutely nothing. I woke up at around 10am and left the house once to get cigarettes and snacks. That's it.

I feel so lazy it's almost sickening. Granted, I have done a bunch this week, the house is in much better shape than it was last week, I started a new exercise routine and I've started to look into home business opportunities. It's been rather productive, just not my last day. I personally feel it's due to my boyfriend's prolonged trip to Iowa. Also one of my best friends left for India. I had to meet my mother 100+ miles out of town. It's a number of things that made today completely useless to me.

And it wasn't as if I didn't want to do something today, that just happened that I didn't. I don't blame anyone but myself. I know that I'm going to miss this freedom come Wednesday probably and Friday I'll be cursing this class because I don't want to be in class all week and then spend an entire day working. Gone will be my three day weekends. Hello to a full schedule and more headaches to come. Take everything one day at a time and you'll always be moving forward. That's what I'm telling myself. Hopefully it will help ease the stress.

It's been an eventful day. Taking a mini road trip to meet my mom for brunch and exchange items. I discovered that the new route I have to take to Globe is probably the most dangerous road in Arizona. I've never dealt with more assholes on the roadway ever today. Even with all the snowbirds. 

I'm also taking some time to do some research so I don't have to go to work. I would love to have a home business or a work-from-home situation. I'm sick and tired of exchanging my time for money. It's not very bad right now, only working one day a week, but I work 10 hrs that day and only make $8/hr so $80 before taxes a day. Which isn't enough to pay the bills. 

I'm looking into Passion Parties, AVON, and other network based marketing business plans. I have a soft spot for them due to the fact that my mother sold Mary Kay when I was growing up. Plus I think I have what it would take to do it. Maybe not to the point where I can retire in ten years, but hopefully enough so that I don't have to continue going to my other jobs. It would also be a great help when it comes to school and show schedules. I'll be able to work whenever I want to and not have to tell my boss that my availability has changed yet again in a six week period. 

So that's the update for the day. I'm pretty excited for something new!