Wanting that which isn't good for us

There is a stigma in today's society which says 'Want this! Buy me! You need this to be happy!' and it's complete bullshit. I have this stigma moreso than I care to admit. And I've paid the price for it, emotionally and financially. 

And the lure for me is, the more expensive said item is, the more I feel I need to have it. The only problem with this is, I want more than I can happily afford. I will admit I give myself little treats every now and again, but that just feeds the beast and I go into a rather horrid downward spinning spiral of spending and spending and really not getting anything out of it other than more shit to deal with. And not being able to pay my bills.

I recognize this weakness in me. It's something I truly am working on. But not spending/buying shit comes with its own price.

I now want what others have. Not material possessions, but personality traits, characteristics, relationships, emotional states of being, and the like. I have pushed myself so far away from my normality at times that I've scared myself. I don't know who that person is, I know that I've had the potential to be that person, but I know that she's not someone who I want to be. We all have little demons inside us, I'm just having a really hard time keeping them at bay right now.

I see something that looks appealing and stop at nothing to get my way. That is wrong. I know that person x or item y is probably a bad decision on my part, but I can't help but covet. It's my biggest sin at the moment I guess. 

So I'm working on being a better person. There are other things about me that I have need to work on, but this is the biggest, glaringly vile thing about me at the moment and I don't quite know how to cope. Yet tomorrow is another day and my mantra is 'day by day, let it be'.